Broken
by munrochambers4ever
Summary: "I'M BROKEN!Okay, shattered? Jail and death revolve around me! Everyone in my life somehow leaves me! I'm not meant to be happy!"  :full summary inside:
1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:PLEASE READ. Warning: pretty long. Okay so this took a lot of thought for me to decide to write this because I'm not sure if I'll be able to explain it right. Bare with me. **

**Do you guys remember "For All These Times" ? If you've read it, Julia's last name was Julia Mason. Just like Spinner's last name. Well...this book if the reason why. Okay. Let me try to explain this. It has all the character's names and some of the plot, but it really isnt anything like Degrassi. In this, Julia's brothers are Spinner and JT, Liberty and Peter get together, it's completey weird, but it uses the same names and some plots. If you guys dont understand or dont want me to update after this chapter I will take it down. I really like this, but it is confusing. Kinda block out of your mind everything that's happened on Degrassi when you read this and you might get it. **

_I rounded the corner, looking for JT. He was no where to be found. Street after street, and still nothing._

_When I rounded the last street corner, I found him, propped up against his car, blood pool under him. _

_I couldnt move, I couldnt breathe. My legs carried me forward without a concious command to my brain. I dropped down next to him and craddle him in my arms._

_As much as I begged him not to die, he still shuddered and still heaved. The knife, sticking blood-stained out of his back, seemed morbidly glued inside of him._

_Peter rounded the corner, striding down the street like it was nothing. I begged him to call the cops, the ambulance, to just help. He smiled and shrugged. He smug words still burned like acid in my ears._

_"Why should I? With JT out of the way, Liberty is all mine,"_

_He turned and walked away._

_I was left alone in the dark streets of Toronto, my baby brother dying in my arms._

I woke up, screaming at the top of my lungs. The dream was so real. Because it wasnt a dream - it was a memory.

Spinner came rushing in, even though he knew why I was screaming and he knew that nothing would bring JT back. I was all alone in this cold, empty apartment, with no one but Spinner.

"It's okay," he assured over and over.

Words. That's all they are. No, it was not okay. Our brother was dead and no words could bring him back.

I didnt argue. Just sobbed and let him hold me. The family photo of me, mom, dad, Spinner and JT mocked me, screaming memories at me.

I wanted to scream out loud but never could. Minus waking up from the memory, I showed no emotion to what had happened in the past three months.

No one but Spinner know how I felt. Being the older brother, he showed no emotion either. He kept it bottled up.

The three worst months of summer came to an end and Spinner let go of me when I stopped crying. I got ready for my first day of Senior year. Yay.

A deep breath as I looked in the mirror and a tug on my sleeve to hide the scars. Perfect.

Spinner knocked on the door, "You ready?"

I nodded, though he couldnt see, and opened the door. "I'm ready,"

.

.

.

When we arrived at my school, Spinner got out and opened the door for me. I rearranged my features into a smile and got out.

"Okay, Jules, worst summer ever, but dont let it ruin your Senior year. You're a Mason - You can do this,"

I nodded, fighting back a scream. _Dont let it ruin my Senior year? _My senior year - and my life - was ruined the moment I knew JT wouldnt be a Junior.

"Mason, I got it. I know. Thanks, Spin, I know," I hugged him and turned towards the front of the school. One more deep breath and I walked up the stairs to where Eli was waiting.

He took my hand. "How are you?"

I wasnt sure. Eli knew about JT, but he didnt know everything else. No one else knew about that.

"I'm fine," I assured and we walked to class.

The walk to class was quiet. I didnt speak much since my summer. Everytime I opened my mouth, I was afraid I was going to scream. We walked into the classroom and took our seats.

Peter and Liberty walked in the room, hand in hand. I bit my tongue and looked away.

It wasnt the fact that JT had died over Liberty. Dre was jealous of JT for being with Liberty and stabbed him. Peter didnt help for the same reason.

Now they walked into the room, kissing and giggling and Liberty showed no remorse over my dead brother.

I never told anyone that Peter had found us that night. Not even Spinner. It wouldnt bring JT back, so what was the point?

Liberty muttered something about JT and Peter said, "Forget about him,"

Forget about him? Forget about JT? I stood up. I realized all eyes were on me, but I didnt care. I stormed towards Peter. He looked up, but before he could speak, I pulled my arm back and let it snap forward with as much force as I was capable of.

"Julia!" Liberty screamed.

I turned to her and pushed her. She grimaced and pushed me back. I went to launch myself at her, but Eli wrapped his arms around my waist and yanked me back.

"What is wrong with you?" Liberty screamed.

The teacher came into the room. "Miss Mason!" he called.

Peter's upper lip wsa bleeding and Mr. Perino gave him a tissue. "Julia, I think you should go to the princaple's office,"

"And if I dont?"

"Do I need to call your-"

"No!" I cut him off. "But I wont go anywhere. And if you call my brother, he'll agree with me,"

"Would you like to call him and tell him yourself about fighting on the first day?"

"Fine," I shrugged out of Eli's hold and walked towards the phone.

"Hello?" Spinner answered.

"Spinner, come pick me up,"

"I just got home, I may take awhile,"

"Just come,"

"Fine," he sighed.

I ran out the room, not bothering to listen to Mr. Perino call after me.

I ran to the bathroom to wait for Spinner. As I sat in the stall and I cried, I traced over my old scars and new cuts on my wrist. I reached up to tak eht barrette out of my hair.

For the breif seconds the metal cut my wrist, I couldnt think about JT or Peter or my parents. I could only focus on the pain in my wrist and that was enough. Anytime I could focus on other pain was good enough for me.

**Author's Note: *takes cover* I really feel like I should hide. Review with your honest opinion please so I know if I should continue it. **


	2. Chapter 2

**Author's Note: okay guys i'm having a really bad day. im talking THE WORST, but reading your reviews actually made me smile. i love you all for not flaming when this cleary deserves flames. **

Spinner came to pick me up. I slid my sleeve down and got in.

"What happened?" he asked as he pulled away.

"Nothing," I lied.

"Something had to have happened," he insisted. "Otherwise, why would you want to leave?"

"I'm just not ready to be back at school without JT,"

He nodded. "I understand,"

We pulled up into the driveway of his apartment. I followed him up the stairs and through the door. He threw his bag down and collapsed on the couch.

"C'mon, Jules, I know you," he nodded towards me, still standing in the doorway. "I know when something's wrong,"

"I got into a fight with Peter Stone,"

"What? Did he hit you? What happened?" he asked without giving me room to answer.

"I was just really mad at him,"

"Why?" he hedged off the couch. "What'd he do?"

"He..." I took a deep breath. Maybe it was time to tell Spinner what really happened. Maybe he would feel the same way I felt and leave it alone. Maybe he would finally cry. Maybe he would just pretend not to hear me.

"Peter found me and JT that night. He found us, but he wouldnt call for help,"

His face closed in shock. "Peter...found you and JT?"

I could see it. I could see the emotion he had been trying to hid. He stood up and walked to his desk, shuffling through the drawers. "Peter needs someone to teach him a lesson,"

Spinner pulled out a pocketknife out of his bag.

"Spinner, what the hell?" I asked.

"Maybe no one should help Peter,"

"Spin, no, you'll hurt Peter,"

"Do you think I care?"

"Spinner, give me the knife," I reached for it since he hadnt opened it yet. "Spinner, come on...quit being so stupid!"

I should have known what the words would mean. I should have let him kill Peter. I should have kept my mouth shut.

Spinner turned and backhanded me...hard. I stumbled back, shocked at what he did.

My lip went numb for a second, then it burned. I reached up to touch my lip. My finger was red.

"Julia, I'm so-"

I ran out the door before he could finish.

.

.

.

I ran to The Dot without stopping. Nobody from school would be there yet. One customer was there and the workers.

I walked in, covering my lip, and made my way to the bathroom. I leaned over the sink and cried. My lip was still bleeding.

I yanked a paper towel out of the despencer and blotted my lip. Once it stopped bleeding, I walked back out.

Eli was sitting at one of the tables. Confused, I walked over and sat across from him. "What are you doing here?" I asked.

"What happened to your lip?"

"Answer my question first," I covered my lip with my hand.

"I asked to go to the bathroom and. I drove to your house, but Spinner said you left so I can here to get a coffee, then I was going to leave,"

"Oh."

"So, what happened to your lip?"

"I bit it," I lied.

Spinner walked into The Dot. "Julia, there you are. Hey, c'mere," he gentley tugged on my elbow.

I got up and followed him to the front of The Dot.

"Julia, I'm so sorry," he touched my lip.

I slapped his hand away. "Dont worry about it. One time thing, right?"

"Absoluetly. I cant believe I did that. I'm so sorry,"

"Forget about it. I'll be home later. Bye, Spin," I waved and walked back to Eli. Spinner left once I reached the table.

"Spinner is hitting you, isnt he?"

"What? No, of course not," I insisted. "I told you: I bit my lip,"

"You lied. Quit pretending. If Spinner is hitting you, you have to tell someone,"

"I cant," I whispered.

Eli took my hands. "Dont let him keep hitting you. If you dont make him stop, he wont,"

"He got mad one time. Eli, he's my brother. He helps me and loves me and he's sorry. Let it go,"

"I'm not saying you have to call the National Guard. I'm just saying you need to keep a distance for a little while. Let him calm down about JT, and then you can see him again,"

I shook my head. "No," I whispered. "I'd have no where to go,"

"Stay with your parents,"

I bit my tongue. Last time I spoke the truth, I got a busted lip. I know Eli would never do that. But I never thought Spinner would either...

"Eli," I said slowly, measuring his reaction. "Spinner is all I have,"

"What do you mean?"

I inhaled and exhaled. And again. One more time. Eli sat patiently and waited.

"When JT died..." Another deep breath. "My dad killed the guy that killed JT. He went to jail. And my mom..." One more deep breath. "My mom killed herself,"

Eli came around the table and held me as I cried. "Why didnt you ever tell me?"

"I didnt know how to process it. But Spinner - he's all I have,"

"Julia, if all you have left is hitting you, you need to tell someone. You wont be safe,"

"Not yet," I argued. "If he hits me again, I'll tell someone. I promise,"

"Okay,"

**Author's note: blah blah blah. blah. Just for the record, I do not believe Spinner would ever do that. so yeah. :/ **


	3. Chapter 3

**Author's Note: You guys make my fucking life. For real. And just fyi, my day did get better, so I will update. (:**

Eli drove me home in silence. It gave me time to think. Maybe Spinner was telling the truth. Maybe he would never hit me again. Maybe he would just stay quiet.

Maybe I was dead wrong.

I got out of Eli's car and walked up to the apartment.

The TV was on full blast and no one was watching it.

"Spin?" I called.

Spinner came staggering out of the kitchen, beer in hand.

I groaned. "Aw, Spin, you're drunk again?" Spinner had developed a small drinking problem over the summer. "C'mon, Spin, give me the beer, dont do this again,"

I reached carefully for the beer, but he pulled away. "Get away,"

"Spin," I insisted.

He pulled too far away and when I reached for it, my sleeve came up.

"What's that?" he slurred.

"Nothing," I pulled my sleeve down.

Derek grabbed my wrist and pulled up my sleeve. When he saw my wrist, he dropped the beer. He used my arm to slam me against the wall. "Why?" he screamed into my face. I could smell the beer on his breath. "Emo bitch,"

"Spinner!"

"Shut up," he slurred again and wrapped his hand around my throat. I gagged. He let me fall to the floor, and he kicked me in the stomach. I cried out in pain. The burning fire in my stomach froze my body. He kicked me once again, his foot clipping my shoulder then nose. I felt the blood pour out and the aching throb in my shoulder.

Spinner turned and walked out the door. I curled into a bawl and sobbed.

.

.

.

Spinner wasnt home the next day. I crawled out of bed and looked in the mirror. My nose was swollen and red, my shoulder was scatched and my stomach had a big bruise on it that looked like ink.

I covered make-up all over my face and prayed no one would notice. I walked to school alone. In a hurry to get out of the house before Spinner got home, I was one of the first ones there.

I sat on the front stairs and tried to focus on my math homework.

It was a hot day out and I longed to roll up the sleeves of my shirt and let the sun soak in my skin. I knew I never could, though.

I carefully slid the sleeve of my left arm up, little by little, until my scars were exposed. I looked around and didnt see anyone. I touched one of my freshest cuts.

"Julia!" someone called.

I quickly slid down my sleece and looked up.

Mark Fitzgerald - Fitz - was walking towards me. He came over and dropped down beside me on the stairs.

"Hey," I said.

"Hey, Jules, I didnt see you at school yesterday. I just wanted to say I'm sorry about JT,"

"Thanks, Fitz," I murmured and looked away. Eli got out of his car and was walking towards us.

"Hey, Jules. Hey, uh, Fitz," he nodded towards Fitz.

Fitz rolled his eyes and stood up. "Jules, if you need anyting..." he trailed walked away, leaving his sentence unfinished. I knew why. What did my ex-boyfriend with a criminal record and suspended liscene have to offer?

Eli took his place by me on the stairs. "You're here early,"

"I walked to school,"

"Why?"

"Spinner wasnt home," I shrugged, wincing when I moved my shoulder.

"Oh. I could have driven you,"

I shrugged again, ignoring the pain. "I guess I didnt think of it,"

"So how is Spinner about the whole, you know, hitting you, thing?"

"Uhh," I hesistated. "He's...sorry. I guess. I didnt really talk to him much last night,"

"I guess I understand,"

We sat in silence for a few minutes until -

"Julia, what happened to your neck?"

I didnt answer. I forgot about the bruises on my neck. "What do you mean?" I whispered.

He was quiet. Serious. "Did Spinner try to choke you?"

The silent tears streamed down my face and I nodded.

Eli wrapped his arms around me and pulled me against him. "Jules, how long has he been hitting you?"

I shook my head. "It just recently started. It's never happened till now,"

"Julia," he murmured. I shook my head, knowing what was coming next. "Julia, you have to tell someone. He tried to strangle you - he left marks!"

"Eli, he's my brother! I cant send him to jail. Do you realize what he's helped me through? What he's been through? I cant send my only family member to jail,"

"But he could have killed you,"

"But he didnt!"

"Julia!" someone else called.

We both looked up to see Spinner walking - staggering - towards us. Eli stood up.

"I thought you werent going anywhere, Julia," Spinner slurred.

"Spinner, I know you've been hitting her," Eli said calmly.

"Shut up. Nobody's talking to you," Spinner came over and grabbed my elbow. He yanked me off the stairs and dragged me towards his car.

"Spinner, let go of me," I begged.

"We're going home,"

"Please?"

He ignored me and continued to pull. I hated this. I hated this feeling of being restrained or held against my will. It made me want to crawl out of my skin, to cry, to scream, to kick, to do anything...

"No."

Spinner stopped, hearing the authority in my voice. "Exucse me?"

"No." I said louder.

He yanked my elbow. "Let's go,"

"Spinner, get off, stop it, let me go, stop," I struggle as he pulled me and he turned me around to grab the top of my arms.

"Why cant you just shut the hell up?" he screamed, shook me, then let me drop, throwing me to the ground.

My legs came out from under me and I felt my head hit the concrete. I felt my head cloud with blackness. I could no longer see or hear or speak. Blackness.

**Author's Note: gosh, I'm so embarrased of this book :C lol. I wrote it soooo long ago, like boiling point time when i was a sucky writer, lol. **


	4. Chapter 4

**Author's Note: i'm still debating on keeping this book going. i wrote it such a long time ago and just threw everythng together and its so overdramatic and unrealistic. just ugh. idk. lol. oh and btw i know Spinner would never do this stuff, but yeah...**

Beep. Beep. Beep.

Beep. Beep. Beep.

Beep. Beep. Beep.

I blinked my eyes open into a bright room. I could hear some hushed voices - they sounded blocked by a door. I could hear someone breathing quietly - they sounded close. I looked above me. The room was bright and the ceiling was blue. I could see a clear tube that ran along the floor and I tried to follow it with my eyes. It was in my nose. Above and behind me, I could see a bag filled with yellow fluid and another tube that I followed to my hand. The beeeping noise was getting on my nerves. I looked across the room to see a sink, heart moniter and medical equipment.

A hospital. Great. I groaned and someone grabbed my hand.

Eli was sitting in a swivel chair next to my bed. "Hey, sleepy-head," he smiled.

"I cant believe you brought me to a hospital,"

"I had to. Spinner was taken away in a cop car. There. It's done. He wont hurt you anymore,"

"You just ruined his life, Eli,"

"Maybe," he agreed. "But I saved yours,"

"I was never in any real danger," I argued.

"No danger?" his voice raised. "No danger! What do you call this?" he jerked a hand towards me in the bed. "You call this _no danger_? He knocked you _unconsious_, Julia! And that isnt danger? He would have gotten worse and worse until you were dead! Is that _dangerous _enough for you?"

I blinked back tears and looked away. "I dont care what he did, he's my brother!"

"Well I do care," he said, calmer now.

"Do you realize what this means?" I yelled, my head whipping back to look at him. "Not only have you ruined Spinner's life, but you've ruined mine! I'm seventeen. I have to go to a group home now! Dont you realize he was my only guardian! I have no one now," I whispered the last part. A few tears escaped my eyes and I wiped them away.

"Julia, you're gonna be eighteen in two months. You'll be okay,"

"And then where am I supposed to go? The court wont let me out without a stable home,"

Eli looked away, not meeting my eyes. "You could come and live with me. I'm eighteen. I'm gonna be nineteen in a couple months. I've been living on my own since I was sixteen. I have an apartment. A job. We'd be okay,"

I tried to meet his gaze, but he wouldnt look at me. "You'd want me to move in?"

"Yeah," he shrugged, looking around the room. "I think we'd be okay. And you'd be eighteen. Legally free to do whatever you want,"

Eli put up a pretty good argument. I had to admite, it sounded pretty good to live with him. We were in love, so we'd be okay.

"Sure. I mean there is the court issue, but I'd love to live with you,"

Eli finally looked me in the eyes and smiled.

.

.

.

I was admitted from the hospital about a week later. I was legally not able to see Spinner, so - as I thought - I was put into a group home.

It was a scary thing. The police drove me there. I left my bags in the car and walked with the cops to the door. They knocked and a short older man answered. "Hello. You must be Julia. I'm Todd. I know you'd much rather be anywhere but here, but for the two months you are here, we'll try to make it nice,"

I nodded.

He took me on a tour of the house. There were kids everywhere. I loved having an older brother and a younger brother, but all of these kids were just too many.

"And this is your room, right next to-"

KC Guthrie came out of the next room.

"KC?" I asked.

KC had gone to my school three out of the four years I've been there. He was junior. We've never been friends, but I never knew he lived here.

"Julia? Julia Mason?" he asked.

"You two...know each other?" Todd asked.

"Sorta," KC answered. "We go to the same school,"

"Well, maybe a frienship can be born,"

.

.

.

That night I went into the bathroom and pulled out my razor blade. I took a deep breath and pressed it to my wrist. I felt my skin start to break open and -

"Julia," KC whispered.

I looked up really quick and dropped my razor blade in the sink. Some drops of blood fell into the sink with it.

KC grabbed my arm and looked at it. He didnt seem shocked or mad or sad or surprised. He seemed...understanding.

I yanked my wrist away and grabbed my razor, then ran to my room. I threw my razor back in my bag and hurried around for a tissue. I settled on a washcloth and held it tightly to my wrist. It wasnt bleeding bad, but I didnt want to get any on my clothes or the bed or anywhere someone could see.

With the washcloth wrapped tightly around my wrist, I went over to my bed and laid down.

There was a quiet knock on my door. "Go away!" I hissed.

Whoever they were, they came in. KC walked around and sat on the foot of my bed. He grabbed my wrist, but I yanked it away.

"Did it stop bleeding?" he asked.

I ignored him, looking pointedly at the wall and not at him.

"You know..." he began, grabbing the sleeve of his shirt. He slowly pulled it up. "The first step is admitting you do it to other people," he pulled his sleeve up all the way and I looked at him arm. KC had scars _everywhere_. Not nearly as bad as mine. They were criss-crossed and over-lapping and horizontal and vertical. They went from his wrist to the crease of his elbow.

"KC," I whispered, sitting up.

He touched one of them. "I stopped about a year ago, but it still hurts,"

I swallowed and unwrapped the washcloth from my wrist. Mine werent as nearly as bad as his.

"So what's your story?" he asked. "Everyone has one, or else you wouldnt be here,"

"My mom and younger brother are dead. My dad's in jail and my older brother is on his way. Death and jail just revolves around me,"

KC nodded. "May I?" he nodded to the pillow I wasnt using.

I moved over and KC laid down next to me. "Would you like to hear my story? It's a long one,"

I nodded.

**author's note: yeah...**


	5. Chapter 5

**Author's Note: Since you guys want me to continue I will. Just a warning, it can only go downhill from here :/**

When I woke up, KC was still sleeping next to me. Last night, KC and I became friends. More than _just_ _friends_. We became just like brother and sister. I felt closer to him than I did anyone, besides Eli. We took on each other's sorrow and pain and accepted it. KC understood me.

I looked at KC, sleeping next to me, dried tears around his eyes. I reached up and wiped my dry tears away.

KC was in the group home because when he was eight, his dad died and his mom turned to drugs. One day she got high and locked KC in a closet for three days. His mom died and nobody found KC for another day. He'd been in a group home for the past ten years and he didnt think he'd ever get out.

My phone rang and KC's eyes snapped open. "Crap," he scrambled out of bed and ran out of the room.

I answered my phone. "Hello?"

"Hey," Eli said. "How was your first night,"

"Better than I expected,"

"That's great! When do you want me to pick you up?"

"Now," I answered.

"Okay, I'll be there in ten minutes,"

I hung up and got out of bed. KC sure left in a hurry. I wondered why. I walked out of my room and into his. He was lying in bed, still awake.

"KC, what's wrong?" I asked.

He shook his head and spoke low. "Guys and girls cant room together. If we would have gotten caught, we'd be in so much trouble,"

"I'm sorry. I didnt know that,"

"It's okay. So who was on the phone?"

"Eli,"

"Oh yeah, I forgot you had a boyfriend. What did he want so early?"

"Uh, it's Tuesday," I reminded him. "He's picking me up for school,"

"It's Tuesday?" he got up. "Crap. Hey, can we not tell anyone-"

I cut him off. "I completely undertand. Can we not tell anyone I'm here?"

"Sure." he nodded. "Now, I gotta go run to school,"

"You wanna ride?" I offered. Eli wouldnt mind.

"But I thought you didnt want anyone to know you're in a group home,"

"Eli already knows,"

"Oh. Well, okay. Thanks,"

.

.

.

I got ready for school in silence. We met up downstairs and walked outside. Eli pulled up to the curb and we got in. We all managed to fit in the bench-seat of Eli's hearse.

"So, KC, what's up?" Eli asked.

"Nothing. How are you?"

"Fine,"

We sat in an awkward silence for a few minutes. When we pulled up to the school, we were still silent. KC got out and held the door open for me. The walk to the front of the school was awkward as well. Eli opened the door for me and we all walked in. The bell rang.

"Uhm," I stammered. "Bye, KC, I'll see you later, okay?" I reached up to give him a tight up and he hugged me back, just as tightly.

After he left, Eli finally spoke. "So after one night, you guys are that close?"

I nodded. "He's been through a lot, too. He's helping me through it,"

"Isnt it weird, though? Being at school with him?"

"Not really," I thought more about it. I didnt really know how to explain it. Me and KC became so close in one night because of what we shared. Someone I barely knew has been through as much as I have, and it was nice to know I wasnt alone.

.

.

.

After class, I went in one direction and Eli went in a another.

Fitz came up to me in the hall. "So...sending big brothe to jail? Real nice,"

I stopped walking.

"You got a lot of nerve, ya know? So he smacked you around a bit. Big deal," he nugded me a bit. "What, you gonna send me to jail, now, too?"

"Fitz, please leave me alone,"

"You're crazy. I bet Spinner didnt even hit you. I bet you were looking for attention,"

"Now I know why I broke up with you," I said in an attempt to hurt him.

"Oh, boo-hoo. Not like I ever got some from you,"

"Shut up, Fitz!"

"Ooo, scary," he mocked.

I shook my head and went to walk away. Fitz grabbed my arm. "Where do you think you're going?"

"Get away from me," The bell had rung and it was just the two of us in the hallway. I was terrified.

"Or what?" he challenged. "I just wanna know why you're lying and putting Spinner in jail,"

"I'm not lying,"

He pushed me against the locker. "Really? Well, let me show you what a real bruise looks like," he pulled his arm back and balled it into a fist. I closed my eyes and turned my head away.

"Get your hands off of her!" KC's voice echoed in the hall.

Fitz let go of me and looked up at KC. I ran away from Fitz. I ran straight into the bathroom and threw up in the toilet. I broke down in sobs. Fitz was right. I was hurting Spinner. It wasnt even that bad. I would have been okay. Spinner would have stopped. I kept sobbing as I reached into my bag for my razor.

I sliced my skin open, my sobs dying down as I focused on that pain. I couldnt think of Spinner or Fitz right now because my skin was being torn apart by the razor. It hurt. It hurt really bad...but not as bad as my thoughts.

KC told me he'd finally stopped cutting. I dont think I could. Not just yet. Not when everything was so wrong. I sat in the batroom, holding toilet paper to my wrist to get it to stop bleeding until the bell rang. As I walked through the hall, I looked for Eli. He was at his locker.

"Eli," I grabbed him and spun him around. "That's it. I'm done. I'm dropping the charges. It's over,"

"What? No, you cant do that!"

"Well, I am,"

"Julia, no," he argued.

"God, why are you so hung up on this?"

"Because. Year after year, I watched my father beat my mom and I was a kid - I couldnt do anything. But I wont do that know,"

"What if Spinner never hit me?" I whispered, desperate for him to let it go. I wouldnt not ruin Spinner's life. He's the one that made sure I still had one after JT died.

"What are you talking about? I watched him throw you down!"

"I threw myself down. It was all a cry for attention. I was upset that everyone was talking about JT and I got jealous,"

"I dont believe that," Eli argued.

"You dont know Spinner,"

KC walked up to us. "What's going on?"

"Julia's dropping the charges against Spinner,"

KC's eyes flashed to my face. "What?"

"She said he never hit her,"

"Ahh, I see. May I?" KC slipped his arm under my elbow.

Eli nodded in permission, like I couldnt speak for myself. KC pulled me over to a couple lockers down. "Look, I know it's hard sending a family memeber to jail. You just cant think about the good memories,"

"But it's so hard!" I wailed, latching onto him and sobbing into his shoulder.

He held me tight against him. "I know. Spinner has been your protecting big brother forever, but you cant stop what he did,"

"I dont want to ruin his life," I whispered, brokenly.

"I know. I know it's hard. Dont let anyone get to you, though. I want you to answer me one thing," When I didnt respond, he continued. "How many of those cuts are because of Spinner?"

I knew what cuts he was talking about. "Three," I answered.

"I want you to think of those three cuts, everytime you think of Spinner,"

I nodded and kept crying against his shoulder.

"You're gonna be okay," he promised. He pulled me over to a near bench and sat me down. Eli came over and sat on the other side of me.

"Is she okay?" Eli asked.

I nodded. "Eli, I just wanted to let you know: I love you,"

"I love you, too,"

We sat on the bench until the bell rang. I stood up and wiped away my tears. I decided in that moment, that there would be no more cuts to my wrist. As long as I had Eli and KC, I would be okay.

.

.

.

The two months in the group home was really rough. I finally stopping cutting. Eli and I had a stronger realtionship once I told him about it. I didnt tell him until I stopped. He didnt have the same reaction as KC did, when I showed him my wrist, but he understood and made me promise to never do it again. KC had become my new brother and best friend. He was helping me with the non-cutting pact. He wouldnt let me do it.

A week after I turned eighteen, I packed up my things and moved into Eli's apartmend.

I still hadnt testified against Spinner yet. I tried not to worry about it. I would deal with it when I had to. I was a new person.

"There," I set down my last box in Eli's living room.

"You didnt have as much stuff as I thought," Eli laughed.

"I was only supposed to bring the essentials to the group home,"

"You glad to be out of there?"

"More glad that I'm moving in here," I walked over and wrapped my arms around his neck. His hands found my waist and he kissed me. His mouth was eager agaisnt mine and I couldnt breathe of a minute.

"Eli," I breathed.

His mouth followed the line of my jaw to my neck. I forgot was I was about to say. I forgot everything. "I love you," I whispered.

His breath tickled my neck. "I love you more,"

All of my five senses were active. I could see Eli's pale body pressed tightly against mine. I could smell Eli's sweet scent and inhaling it was intoxicating. I could taste Eli's mouth and skin on my tongue. I could hear his - and mine - ragged breathing and our heartbeats beating against each others. And I could feel his body curving with mine. I could feel his hands holding me close to him. I could feel his lips and tongue against my skin and it made me shiver.

I gave over to my five senses.

**Author's note: so im starting to like this a little more than i thought. I know its a little longer. sorry. review for the next chapter (Julia testifies)**


	6. Chapter 6

**Author's Note: uhhh I'm really starting to remember why i liked writing this lol. i just hope you guys will like it, too. (:**

When I woke up, Eli and I were still intertwined on his couch. I glanced down at Eli's bare chest and blushed. My phone alarm went off. I reached over and turned it off. When I rolled back over, Eli was awake and looking at me. He pulled me tighter to him and kissed me.

"Moring," he said.

"Hi," I smiled.

"Sooo," he said awkwardly. "Let's go to school?"

I sat up, pulling the throw blanket we had on us up with me. "Lets." I agreed.

.

.

.

Once we were at school, we went to our classes like it was any other normal day. I found Eli during lunch. I sat down next to him and kissed him.

"Well, hello," he smiled.

"Hi."

Fitz came up to us. "Oooo, smoochy-smoochy. So when's the big court date?"

I knew he was trying to get me mad, but I refused to get angry. "I dont know," I admitted, calmly. "It should me any day now,"

"Well, I wish _Spinner_ the best of luck,"

I nodded. "Thank, Fitz. I know he would appreciate it,"

He kinda smiled. "Have fun ruining his life,"

Before I could answer, he walked away. I let my breath out fast, trying not to cry.

"You handled that really well," Eli said.

"I'm not gonna let him get me mad. I know what Spinner did was wrong and I know he needs to pay for it,"

"Wow," he said in awe. "The group home really helped,"

"Well, it was mostly you and KC helping me,"

"Glad I could be of service,"

I kissed him again. Someone cleared their throat and I turned to see who it was. "Can I talk to you for a sec?" KC asked.

"Uh, sure," I stood up and followed him to the cafeteria doors. "What is it, KC?"

"The court called Todd - they dont have your new number. You, uhm, have to testify against Spinner tonight,"

My balance swayed. KC caught me. "I know it'll be hard, but I believe in you. You can do this,"

"Tonight?" I whispered. I pushed away from KC and my balance swayed again. I was dizzy. I caught myself on a nearby trash can and threw up into it.

When I stood up straight, KC grabbed me and pulled me to him. "You'll be fine. Eli and I will be right there. You dont have to go through it alone,"

Eli came over to us. "What happened? What's wrong?"

"She has to testify tonight,"

Eli put his hand on my back. "Remember what you just said, Julia. Spinner did bad things. You want him to pay,"

"Right. Okay."

The bell rang. KC grabbed my shoulders and looked at me. "Julia. You'll be okay. We'll be there for you. Dont worry," he reached into his back pocket and pulled out a piece of gum. I held my hand out for it, muttering "thanks" under my breath as I popped it into my mouth.

"I gotta get to class, but I'll meet you out front at four o'clock,"

I nodded. "Okay. Thank you, KC,"

Eli took my hand and squeezed it. "I can do this," I told myself.

.

.

.

Me and Eli met KC on the stairs after school.

"C'mon, we can take my car," Eli offered and we all crowded into his hearse and drove to the court house.

I got out and took a deep breath. Eli took my hand and we all walked into the room.

I sat next to my lawyer while Eli and KC took a seat in the stands.

I didnt look for Spinner. I stayed staring at the table, not wanting to see him. Testifying against Spinner was the hardest thing I've ever done.

I was called up to the stands. I kept my eyes focused on Eli and KC.

"So, Miss Mason," The lawyer asked me. "Can you explain the first physical abuse to you from Gavin,"

I took a deep breath and turned my eyes to my scars. My three scars. I looked back up at the lawyer with confidence. "The first time Gavin hit me was the first day of school. I called him stupid and he backhanded me,"

The lawyer nodded. "So you egged him on?"

"He's my brother," I defended myself. "I've called him stupid a million times. Its what siblings do. That's no reason to back-hand me,"

The lawyer nodded. "The second time,"

"He saw some..." I took a very long and deep breath, then admitted it to everyone. "Cuts on my wrist. He got mad at me and threw me down. He punched me and kicked me,"

"So, you were unstable and physically hurting yourself at this time?"

"I wouldnt say I was unstable, but yes. I did hurt myself,"

"Would you say you were in a good mental state? I mean your father was just sent to jail and your mother and brother had just died. You cant possibly be _okay_ after that,"

I glared, my eyes watering. "I wasnt okay. But that has nothing to do with the fact that he hit me,"

"Do you think Gavin was in a well mental state?"

"No," I admitted.

"So by insulting him, dont you think you might have sent him off the edge?"

My tears overflowed and I coughed a little, trying not to sob. "I guess so,"

Spinner's lawyer's lips tightened into somewhat of a smirk. "Okay, and the last altercation?"

I sniffled. "I was at school and I struggled with him and he threw me down."

"What happened after you were thrown down?"

"I'm not sure. I was unconcious. I woke up in the hospital,"

The lawyer nodded again. "Thank you, Miss Mason," she dismissed.

I got up and practically ran back to my seat. I never looked once at Spinner.

"Jury calls: Mr. Elijah Goldsworthy to the stands,"

I looked up. Eli, confused, walked up to the seat.

"Mr. Goldsworthy, can you tell us what went on during the time Julia was unconcious?"

Eli looked directly at Spinner. "She had to get seven stitches in her forehead from hitting the curb. She was knocked out for six hours and the doctors said it would have been a lot worse, had they not got there in time,"

"Were you there during any of the altercations?"

"The third one."

"What exactly happened, in your point of veiw?"

"Gavin grabbed her by the top of the arms and shook her violently before throwing her onto the concrete. Her forehead the the edge of the curb."

"Thank you, Mr. Goldsworhty,"

Eli went back to the seat.

"Lastly, jury calls: Gavin Mason to the stands,"

My eyes stayed glued onto the table. If I even stole a peek at Spinner that was it - it would be over. I would drop the charges and beg him to forgive me.

"Mr. Mason, would you say that you were mentally unstable at the time?" his lawyer asked.

"No," he said. "I was stable,"

I could tell my the throat clearing, that his lawyer wasnt too happy with the answer. "But your family was going through emotional problems. You were in a depressing state,"

"I was sad, yes. But I hit her. I beat my sister. I'll admit it, because I'm not gonna lie. Everything was building up inside of me and I took it out on her. Everything Eli and Julia said was the truth,"

My silent tears spilled over.

Everything else was all said and done. Spinner was given ten months in jail and the court was dismissed.

Eli and KC came up to me. Eli pulled me into the tightest hug. "You did great," he said in my ear.

KC nodded.

"May I say something to my sister before I go?"

I pulled out of Eli's grasp and turned to look at Spinner, hand-cuffed in front of me. A cop in either side of him.

I squeezed KC and Eli's hands.

"Julia, I'm _so_ sorry. You dont have to forgive me and you shouldnt, but I need you to know how truly sorry I am,"

"Spinner, you're my brother and I love you, but...I dont forgive you,"

Spinner nodded and was taken off.

I turned to Eli and let him hold me while I bawled my eyes out.

**author's note: yeah. i dont really have much to say. the next chapter though is very thrilling and dramatic if i dont say so myself. reviewsssssss.**


	7. Chapter 7

**Author's Note: wooo! i was waiting for a certain person to review before i continue because i love them (: a couple things: yes there will be more drama. ALOT more drama. the reason why i say this book is a little unrealistic is because SO MUCH drama happens to her, but idk if that's soo different. and no, clare nor adam will be in **_**this**_** book. sorry ): anyway, this has got to be one of my favorite chapters. its kinda like a WOOOOW thats lame chapter, but bear with me(:**

Things went back to normal. As normal as things could get for me. I needed some time to get over Spinner, but I eventually did.

I finally felt like a normal teen. Eli and I were head over heels in love and KC was my best friend. I was even going to the school dance with Eli, despite his complaints.

We drove to the dance in Eli's car. He got out and opened the door for me. "Once again, you look beautiful," he murmured against my ear and I smiled.

Eli and I walked into the school gym. "Look what I got," Eli said, pulling a canteen out of his pocket. He opened it and chugged some. "Want some?"

"Is that..._vodka_?" I asked, smelling it.

"Maybe," he smirked.

I lowered it away from my mouth. "No, thanks,"

KC came over to us. "Hey guys, what's up?"

"Nothing yet," Eli giggled. He was buzzed. Greeeat.

.

.

.

Once Eli actually _was_ drunk, the dance wasnt that much fun. "So why did you decide to get drunk at the dance?" I asked.

"Cause these things are no fun, so I lightened the mood,"

We were standing against the wall, talking. Eli was trying to keep his eyes open.

"Eli, you're nineteen. Put the vodka away," I hissed.

He chugged some more. "Lighten up,"

"I'm gonna be over there," I said, pushing off of the wall.

"With who? Your new boyfriend, KC?"

I spun around to look at him. "KC? Uhm, no, Eli, he's my best friend,"

"So you say,"

"You know what - just go off and get drunk. Dont talk to me for the rest of the night and I'm not driving home with you. Call me when you're done being pathetic and when you're _sober_," I stormed off.

I know it was harsh to say that, but KC really was my crutch. I loved Eli with all of my heart and I'd choose him over anyone and anything, but KC understood me in a way Eli didnt. Eli had been through some pretty rough shit in his life, but he wasnt in the same boat as I was. I needed KC almost as much as I needed Eli, but he couldnt understand that. He was drunk, though, but you say what you mean when you're drunk. You say what you're too scared to say when you're sober.

A few songs later, KC came up to me. "Julia, you have to go get Eli...now,"

"Why? We got into a fight,"

"He's on the roof," KC told me.

"And?"

"And he's on the _roof_, drunk and upset. Sound good?"

"He wouldnt," I mouthed.

"Dont you wanna be sure?"

I stood up, panicked, and ran to the door that leads to the roof. I slammed into Fitz. "Hey where are you going?"

"To find Eli,"

"Oh yeah, I heard Emo boy was on the roof. Uh-oh," he laughed.

"You know I'd much rather have it be you up there, Fitz. You're scum and a loser and you really have no purpose to life. You're a walking desease,"

I didnt feel bad about saying it. I wanted to find Eli and Fitz deserved it. He's hurt me enough.

I ran up the stairs to the roof and looked around. "Eli!" I screamed.

He wasnt near the edge. He was just standing in the middle looking at the sky, vodka canteen at his feet. I ran to him.

"Jules, I'm sorry," he balance swayed a bit and he put his hands on my hips to steady himself.

"Me, too," I laughed. We kissed and I pulled back, wrinkling my nose - his breath smelled terrible. "Maybe a mint first?"

He laughed.

I opened my purse to grab one.

"Aw, isnt that cute?" Fitz's voice boomed over the roof.

"Fitz," I sighed and looked up.

Eli pulled me behind him. "He has a knife," he breathed.

I looked at Fitz. He was walking towards us, grimace on his face, blade in his hand. I swallowed. "Fitz, please,"

"Shut up, whore!"

Eli pulled me into his arms and held me close. A plan came to me. I just hoped Eli was drunk enough not to believe me.

"Get away from me!" I yelled and pushed myself away from Eli. Both Fitz and Eli looked at me confused. I walked over to Fitz with my hands up. "Fitz," I whispered. "I'm sorry. You were right. You're better than he is. He's _nothing_ to me," I lied.

Fitz bit him lip, then smirked. "I told you so," he didnt move the hand with the knife, but he opened his other arm. "Come here, baby, Fitzy will make it _all_ better,"

I took a deep breath, staring at the knife. I didnt want to risk him killing me.

"I wouldnt hurt you, Jules, I'm gonna make everything better. This is for emo-boy,"

I swallowed and walked forward. He took me in his one arm and pulled me tight against him, his lips crushing mine. I remembered what it was like to kiss him and he was still just as bad at it. I kissed him back, taking my arm from around his next and sliding it down his chest. I felt him smile against me lips.

I grabbed the hand with the knife in it and tried to get it away from Fitz. We struggled for it, roughly.

Time stood still for a few minutes. It all went in slow motion. I yanked in the same direction he pulled and the blade slit my cheek. It hit me with so much pressure, that I spun around and flew to the ground, my cheek ripped open.

"Julia!" Eli yelled. I felt him cradle me against his legs as I tried to sit up.

"You must both think I'm really stupid to think I wouldnt have another weapon on me,"

I stayed gasping against Eli's legs when I heard the "click" of a gun. I sat up fast and spun around as Eli stood up, prepared to help me up, but when he saw Fitz, he just stood there shocked.

My cheek was aching and I could feel it bleedy. My salty tears rushed into it, making it burn.

"Fitz, dont. I'm not worth it," I said.

"Yes you are," Eli argued. "Julia, you're beautiful and funny and smart and whenever I see you, I have to smile and you're warm and soft and I dont know what I would do if I lost you and you were my first and you're mine and I'm yours and you're everything to me. You're my life and I love you,"

Fitz pulled the trigger.

I felt a giant gaping hole tear through my chest and I couldnt breath. I gasped for air, my sobs becoming erratic. My chest began aching and I felt like I was gonna die.

"What did I do?" Fitz whispered.

"YOU FUCKING SHOT HIM!" I screamed at the top of my lungs and crawled over to him. His shoulder was bleeding heavily and fast. I put my hands against his wound and pushed, his blooding still finding its way out between my fingers. My dress and arms and hands were covered in blood, both his and mine.

I heard another loud shot and I looked behind me, only to see Fitz lying on the ground, his brains...everywhere. I turned back towards Eli, trying not to puke. His eyes threaten to close. "Eli, no! Please! You cant do this. You're all I have, you cant die on me. Please, Eli," I sobbed, pushing harder and hader against his shoulder.

I faintly heard the sounds of an ambulance and I didnt bother to look around, but all of a sudden, me and Eli were surrounded by people. They pryed me away from him and then many people were surrounding him and I couldnt see.

Someone had me by my arms and they were taking me towards the door to the roof. I couldnt get the image of Eli out of my mind.

"Julia!" I heard KC yell when we got out front of the school. He ran under the yellow tape, despite the police officer yelling at him. When he came to me, the paramedic that had me warned him, but I yanked away from him and threw my arms around KC's neck, sobbing uncontrollably into his shoulder. He held me tightly. "I heard gunshots when I was coming up to check on you and Eli, that's when I called them," he whispered in my ear.

I was beyond control, still just sobbing uncontrobally into his shoulder.

**auhtor's note: i was gonna keep going but I thought i'd leave you guys with a cliff hanger. is eli okay? yeah i know it was totally unrealistic that any of this would happen, but whatevass. its a fanfic. ~le shrug. Reviews would be nice. **


	8. Chapter 8

**Author's Note: haha, the whole point of the description in the last chapter was to make you think Julia got shot. 4 for you that caught on! Anyway, here's the next chapter. enjoy C:**

The doctor pulled the last stitch through my cheek. "There,"

He began cleaning it and cutting the tiny strings that kept my skin sowed together. You would think stitches would hurt, right? I couldnt feel them. My whole body was numb. I had completely lost feeling anywhere in my body.

That didnt stop my thoughts from burning my brain. All I could picture was Eli, his blood spewn out all over me, Fitz's body lying dead, the paramedics words echoing in the night as they put him in the ambulance.

_"We've got to get there soon!" "There's a chance he wont make it!" "Apply more pressure!" "He's loosing too much blood!"_

My body was numb because I knew he was dead. I could sense it. Someone deep in my stomach told me that Eli was gone. Though he was in surgery now and I didnt know for _sure_, I felt it in the pit of my stomach. The pool of fear is what caused my body to be numb.

To be completely honest, I would kill myself. I know it would hurt KC, but I couldnt go on without Eli. He's the only thing that kept me...happy. Alive. Free. I needed him. I needed him more than anyone in the world and if he was gone, there was nothing keeping me here. I would die right behind him.

The doctor told me I could go, giving my a list of things to do to keep my stitches clean and when I should come back. I didnt listen. Who cares about my stupid cheek or stitches when my true love was dying in the room down the hall?

I walked out of the door and saw KC standing there in his white button up polo, stained with blood. All he's been doing since he found me on the roof was holding me. He came to me when he saw me and pulled me into his arms just as I starting sobbing again. The sobs ripped through my numb body and I shook with them.

KC pulled us over to a row of chairs and we sat down. He held my shaking body as I sobbed into his shouder, clinging to him mercifully.

"It's gonna be okay," he whispered. "Eli will be fine,"

"Dont you dare say that!" I snapped. "That's the exact same thing Eli said to me before JT died,"

KC was quiet.

A police man came over and sat next to us. "I need to ask you both a few questions about what happened,"

I shook my head, pulling myself tighter to KC, sobbing erraticly. I couldnt think about what I had expeirenced on the roof.

"Maybe in a few minutes. She's very worried about her boyfriend," KC answered.

"I need to know what happened," he said.

"Fitz shot Eli," I said into KC's shoulder.

"Tell me what happened from the begining,"

I shook my head. "It's too much,"

"I have time. Tell me,"

"No,"

"C'mon, Jules, tell them what happened. Let it out. It's okay," KC patted my back.

I shook my head again. Between KC and the cop saying "tell us" over and over and over and over and over and over again, I was loosing my mind. The scene on the roof kept playing my head, the scene when Spinner hit me replayed in my head, the scene when I found JT replayed in my head, the scene where I testifed replayed in my head, all the scenes when I cut myself replayed in my head. All the while, KC and the cop are just chanting. "Tell us," a million times.

"I'M BROKEN!" I screamed, jumping out of KC's grip and standing up. I was shaking uncontrobally, my sobs tearing a huge whole in my chest. KC reached out to hold me, but I yanked away. "Okay? _Shattered_. Jail and death revolves around me. Everyone in my life someone leaves me. I'm meant to be unhappy and alone and I'll never be able to live how I want. I'm completey broken apart. I'll never be able to be taped back up. I'm permenatly shattered. Forever,"

The cop nodded and KC stood up, taking me into his arms depsite me fighting. Eventually, I let him win and just collapsed into his hold. He held me upright, not bothering to sit back down, and patted my back as I sobbed. I felt like I was choking.

"I'm looking for a family memeber of Elijah Goldsworthy,"

My head snapped up and I saw a nurse standing in the middle of the waiting room. KC walked with me over to her. "He doesnt really have any family, but I'm his girlfriend,"

She nodded, her eyes became soft. My numb body fell limp and KC still held me upright.

This scene was all too familiar. _"I'm sorry your brother's gone."_ _I ran to Spinner and he caught my numb body, holding me while I cried. "JT...died," I choked out into his shoulder._

"Your boyfriend lost a lot of blood and it would have been a lot worse if the paramedics wouldnt have should in time,"

"So he's okay?" KC's deep voice was right in my ear.

"He's still drowsy from surgery and pretty incomprehensive, but he'll be perfect in a few weeks,"

_Perfect in a few weeks._

The sentence repeated over and over in my head until in sunk it. Once it did, I could feel my body again. The hospital suddenly seemed a lot louder. I felt KC's hands against my arms, holding me up. The sting in my cheek had died down since the roof, but it still heart. Most importantly, I could feel my heart beating. Eli's heart was beating, my heart was beating.

"What room?" I asked, my throat cracked with tears.

"1196," she answered.

I broke away from KC's grasp, feeling confident that I could walk, and marched down the hall. When I found his room, I walked in.

Eli - _my Eli _ - was lying in the hospital bed, doctor's nigthgown on with his should patched up and in a sling. There were about ten wires running along the floor and they all led up to his body. My baby looked just as broken as I felt. But the tiny movements of his chest gave me hope. The feeling in the pit of my stomach was no longer a pool of fear, it was warmth of the future. We would have a future, a life, a family. Eli was alive, I was alive. We were okay.

I hesitantly took a step forward and placed my hand on his. It felt so cold. His eyes snapped open and they tried to focus on me, but couldnt. He was still medicated.

It broke my heart to think about what he just went through. He caught shot for declaring his love to me.

"What happened?" he whispered.

I moved to sit on the edge of his bed, my hand still resting on top of his. "I'll tell you when you're more...concious,"

"Mmmm," he murmured, his eyes drifting close.

"You sleep, Eli, I'll be right here when you wake up," I leaned forward and kissed his forehead.

"I have...a girl...friend, you know," he muttered, falling into his sleep.

"She wont mind," I smirked against his lips before gently touching them together. I pulled back and squeezed his hand gently. I grabbed a chair that was close by and placed it near his head. I took his hand again and leaned against his pillow, our heads touching.

Before I fell asleep - using Eli's quiet, comforting breathing as a lullably - I saw KC step in the doorway. I smiled at him and he smiled at me, then I drifted off to sleep with my Eli.

**author's note: so this might be my favorite chapter. there arent many left, so review!**


	9. Chapter 9

**Author's Note: ahahhhhhh. jesus ect was intense. PM to talk about it, but here's the next chapter and a warning: things are starting to get more dramatic. **

Eli was better in a little over two weeks. He had to keep his arm in a sling so his shoulder would heal right, but other than that he was perfect.

Things went back to semi-normal. I was graduating. KC was moving on to being a senior. Eli, though, had to stay back and repeat his senior year. With all that he's been through this year, everyone understood and no one judged him.

I was starting to feel happy again, and that made me scared. With everything going to so good, something bad was bound to happen. It was how my life went.

I found out my bad news Saturday morning. I was terrified. Beyond terrified. I didnt know what to do or how to tell Eli. I kept it to myself all weekend. I was pretty good at hiding my emotions so Eli didnt really notice I was scared. I didnt know how to handle my bad news.

I walked into school Monday morning, my bad news burning in my mind. KC would know what to do. KC always knew how to help me and this wouldnt be any different.

I found him at his locker. "KC," I said timidly. I didnt know how to break it to KC, either, but I hope that he'd handle it better I would.

"Hey, Jules, what's up?" he asked, putting books in his locker.

"Uhm. Nothing really," I said, shifting from one foot to the other.

He closed his locker. "Is everything okay?"

I shook my head, my filling with tears. "No,"

He put his bookbag down and hugged me. I let out a few loud cries and clung to him like I always did.

"What's wrong? You can tell me,"

I took in a deep breath. "KC, I'm...pregnant,"

He pulled back to look at me. His face was shocked. "Pregnant?" he whispered.

"How do I tell Eli?" I asked.

KC looked sick to his stomach. "How far?"

"Four months,"

"Four months?" he exploded.

"Shh!" I hushed. "There has been so much going on with Eli and me and the trial and everything else that I didnt notice I was missing my period. But yes, four months ago Eli and I had sex, and that was the only time, so I'm guessing it's four months,"

"That means you were pregnant when the Fitz thing happened. When he thew you down. Is the baby okay?"

I shrugged. "I dont know. I wanna go to the doctors, but I dont know how to tell Eli,"

KC reached into his pocket and pulled out his keys. "I dont have the need to go to first period. You up for a trip to the doctors now?"

"Sure," I nodded.

.

.

.

KC drove me to the doctors. Information after information, paper after paper and I was finally in the room.

They put the sonogram gel on my stomach and a small round blob appeared on screen. My baby.

"That's it?" I whispered. The thing on screen almost seemed like a real baby.

"It would appear you're five months along. You must have counted the months wrong. I can already tell you the gender," the nurse explained.

5 months. I was five months pregnant. I recounted back in my head and realized that it was five months ago that I moved in with Eli and we traded virginities.

"Is it healthy?" I asked.

"Very healthy, actually,"

I sighed in releif. "Good. I went through some physicall trauma about a month ago,"

"A mothers body is built to protect it's baby," she smiled.

"Okay," I sighed again. "Is it a boy or girl?"

"Are you sure you wanna know? Some mothers like to be surprised,"

"I'm sure. Son or daughter?"

"Congratulations, you're having a son,"

Tears welled up in my eyes. "I've always wanted a boy," I choked.

The nurse looked to KC. "And you?"

"Oh...no, I'm not the father. Just a friend," he said, awkwardly.

"Oh, okay," she turned back to me. "Are you planning to keep it?"

"I think so. I still have to tell the father, but...I really want it now," I smiled and patted my stomach.

"That's good. Well, I wish you the best of luck." The nurse smiled.

I hopped off the table and pulled my shirt down. KC and I walked out and I was still trying to process the fact that there was a little baby inside of me. Growing, living, breathing.

"Have any names?" KC asked as we got in his car.

"I was thinking the name Brandon or Alexander,"

He nodded and started the car, pulling out. "By the time we'll get back it'll be sixth period," he said.

"It's been the whole day?"

"We were in the waiting room forever. Are you hungry?" he asked.

I was gonna say no - my hunger was managable and I wasnt _starving_, but then I thought of my son inside me. Was he hungry? "Yeah, I could eat," I said.

We pulled into a McDonalds and KC ordered me some fries. "So do you just wanna go home, or go back to school for an hour?" he asked.

I ate some of my fries. "I guess just go home. By the time we get there, it'll be time to leave anyway,"

"What about Eli?" he asked.

"I'll text him and let him know you're giving me a ride,"

"Okay,"

"Speaking of Eli, how exactly do I tell him that I'm pregnant?" I asked, really attacking my fries.

"Be up front about it. All blunt. Or nonchalant. Throw it into a random conversation. But if he leaves you - I'll kill him,"

I laughed. "Not nescasarry, but thanks, KC,"

He smiled.

.

.

.

When I got home, Eli was on the couch, flipping through the channels.

"Hey, where were you all day?" he asked, shutting the TV off.

"Went with KC somewhere. Didnt feel like going to school," I sat down on the couch next to him.

"Well, you should have told me that before we left. I would have been more than glad to skip with you," he said, running his hand along my knee. He went to kiss me, but I pulled back. "Did I do something wrong?" he asked.

I stared deep into Eli's green eyes. Everything we've been through together - I knew I couldnt loose him. We've stayed together through everything else. I could only hope we would stay together through this.

"Julia? You alright?" he asked.

I swallowed and nodded, tears filling my eyes. "Yeah, fine,"

"Okay then," he smirked and went to kiss my neck.

"Eli, stop!"

"What's wrong?" He asked, pulling back and taking his hand away.

I grabbed both of his hands and placed them on my stomach. "Eli, do you know what you're touching?" I whispered.

He quirked his eyebrow. "Uh...your stomach?"

I closed my eyes tight, not wanting to cry. I braced myself for his reaction and spoke. "No. You're touching your son,"

**author's note: dun dun dun. CLIFFHANGER! Review for Eli's reaction.**


	10. Chapter 10

**Author's Note: haha a lot of you thought Eli is gonna snap and that leads to her death. Well, remember what I said in the begining. Erase everything that youve ever seen on Degrassi from your mind. So who says she dies after the fight? Who says she even dies? O.o **

**Jk, she really does. This is like last chapter by the way and I hope I dont let you guys down.**

Eli didnt move his hands from my stomach. I peeked through my eyelids to see him staring at his hands. I couldnt see directly into his eyes so I didnt know what he was thinking.

"Eli?" I asked after a few minutes of silence. "Please say something,"

He swallowed - his adam's apple bobbing hard. "You're...having a-_my_ baby?"

I nodded, tears threatening to spill over. I couldnt detect any emotion in his voice.

"And it's a boy?"

I nodded again.

He took a deep breath and...and he kinda smiled. "I'm gonna be a dad?" The way he said it - it was almost in awe.

"Yes,"

This time his face really did explode into a smile. A big, full-out grin. "How far are you?

"5 months. There was so much going on...I didnt even realize I wasnt getting my period. But he's healthy, so that's good,"

"I cant believe I'm gonna be a dad!" he laughed. His hands still stayed firm on my stomach. "I mean, that is, if you want to keep him. You are the one that actually has to have him,"

"Of course I want him," I said, placing my hands over his. "It's _your_ baby...and I've always wanted a boy. I was just afraid of your reaction,"

"You thought I'd leave you?" he asked, shocked.

"I thought it was a possiblity. I was also worried that you'd be mad at me,"

"Mad at you? Julia, this baby is half my fault. But it only took me a second to fall in love with him,"

I smiled. "It's so good to know that you undertand," I squeezed his hand, still placed on my stomach.

"Of course I understand. That's _my_ baby in there. So obviously, I want him," Eli laughed and I joined in. After a minute of laughing, Eli took his hands off my stomach and looked at me. "So since you've always wanted a boy, any names?"

I blushed. "I was thinking maybe Brandon or Alexander,"

"What about Brandon Alexander?" he suggested.

I repeated it in my head a few times. "Brandon Alexander Goldsworthy. That actually sounds perfect,"

Eli smiled.

.

.

.

The next day, after school - which was filled with KC's non-stop teasing - we picked up a few buckets of paint. Eli had a spare room that we were gonna use as Brandon's room and we wanted to started painting.

We had green paint and started painting the walls - too tired to joke around and paint each other. I had to convice KC and Eli that I wanted to paint. They didnt want the fumes hurting the baby, but I knew my Brandon was a little trooper. He'd be fine no matter what happens. Because Eli, KC and I are fine no matter what happens. He'll have an amazing support group.

"Hey, I was thinking we should get one of those books that explain to you what a pregnancy is," I suggested, painting the lower corner of his room.

"I know what pregnancy is, Jules. My child is inside of you. You eat, eat, cry, eat, whine, eat, and then my child comes out and we raise it," Eli said.

"That is not all a pregnancy is, Elijah," I laughed and he rolled his eyes. "I'm serious, I'm gonna go get one right now,"

"Jules, at least wait till tomorrow. He's not gonna come shooting out of there tonight,"

I stuck my tongue out and dropped my paint brush. "But I really want it. And you have a Wal-Mart right down the street. I wont be long,"

"Well, at least let me or KC go get it," Eli suggested, putting down his brush.

"No, I got it. Keep painting, I wanna see this room half down by the time I get home," I shook my finger at them and smirked.

"Take Morty," Eli said, tossing me his keys.

I caught them and put them on the chair. "Eli, it's only a block away. I'm not taking Morty for that short of a walk. Besides, pregnant women should get a lot of exercise,"

"Alright," Eli sighed. He came over and pecked me on the lips. "Hurry back to me,"

"Always," I promised.

"You guys are cute," KC grumbled.

I walked out of the apartment and hurried down the street. I didnt realize it was getting this dark, so I hurried.

My phone rang and I stopped to reach into my purse and get it. I didnt know I was in the middle of the street.

I heard a car beeping and I looked up in time to see a Blue Haunda coming towards me.

That's the last real thing I saw.

A wave a blackness crashed over me and I was under.

I did not resurface.

I was with them all now.

Fitz.

My mom.

JT.

And my baby boy, Brandon Alexander.

**author's note: LAME ENDING. I know i know, but dont hate please. And yes, there is a sequel and I'll only post it if you guys want me to. xoxo, Karlee.(:**


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